I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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