you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
