You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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