I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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