My sheets look like a crime scene.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
