why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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