Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
