I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
