I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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