We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
