I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
