His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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