Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
