you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
