Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
