am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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