so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
