Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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