he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
