paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize