I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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