grandma shit on top of the toilet
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
