whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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