Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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