he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
