Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
