fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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