y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
