maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize