since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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