i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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