I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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