I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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