Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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