i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
