So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
