kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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