You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
