my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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