sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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