70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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