Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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