Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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