I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize