So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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