Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
