I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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