make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
