I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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