They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
