i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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