I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
