pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
