your parents love me but you hate me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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