this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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