Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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