I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
