i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
