I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
