Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
