So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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