he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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