Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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